???'s Diary

Dear Diary,

First day of work went pretty well! I got to take a tour of the studio. I didn't know there's a legacy behind these shows, I thought they're just created for pure entertainment! They said that they wanted to try something new, but still have a celebrity host. Xir Elixir, I think? I know they have their fans, all so mesmerized over their sense of style. Personally not my thing, but it would be an honor to work with them!

So this show I'm working on is set in a living space, where competitors have to do challenges in certain rooms. They wanted everything to be as 'real' and 'relatable' as possible. They wanted something minimal, and not too garish. Maybe that's why I'm hired for this. Everyone always told me that I'm too plain for the cameras.

What's weird is that I don't think this Elixir host and 'realness' mix well. Weren't they known for their ethereal charm? Maybe they are seeking something new after all.

Dear Diary,

We got to see the host and the contestants today! This Elixir fellow does have an interesting aura to xem. Maybe it's xeir eyes, or how relaxed xey are. Xey wore xeir trademark suit and tie that shimmered in the light, and had a gold tag with a star on it. I never thought that xey could be so down to earth, especially as a famous host. Though, something they've said bothered me a little. Something about how shows like this gave contestants a purpose?

It's a pity that even as a crew, we're not allowed to get too personable with the contestants, but at least we know a few things that everyone else doesn't! It's funny how they claim that reality shows like these aren't scripted, yet they always push the narrative to a certain goal. There's a total of 12 contestants, but even if they're diverse, they seem to be picked to fit in certain tropes. There's this badge guy who was an ex-cop, and the sock twins who are gossipy and only talk amongst themselves. There's also this nerd block of foam who wears a bow tie. I'm sure I hope they'll all get along just fine. Even if they most likely won't

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I wish I had a greater purpose in life. Something that speaks to me and drags me out of the aimlessness of my life. It feels like my role is just to blend into the background, and be unseen. When I was young, I was easily overlooked, and returned to an empty home. Didn’t have a lot of friends either, and the ones I had drifted away. I really want to write more about my life here, but lately it’s been more about work. Maybe I should call my parents…

Maybe this is what this Funhouse show is going for, all this glitz and talk about high hopes for the ratings. Everyone has dreams, and most of us will do whatever it takes to achieve them no matter how ridiculous it is. Even if achieving their dreams takes being in a cramped room while millions of people watch and judge their every action.

It looks like a few of them are forming an alliance before the first challenge. Styrofoam was really trying to push that idea onto Badge until he gave in. The little chili kid was messing around and saying things that should be edited out. Somehow I feel bad for him, maybe his parents wanted to make their kid a star.

Dear Diary,

My manager, BW, had assigned me someone to work with for my training! It's rather convenient that Styrofoam is the closest thing to a blank canvas... was I being mean to him? Oh dear. Anyway, I've taken note of all the contestants in Elixir's Funhouse! What a colorful cast. BW and I are just gossiping about them.

1. Pendant (He seems irritable, like a pedant)

2. Sweater (Very shy)

3. TP (Rather chill and goofy)

4. Badge (He's got nice arms)

5. Sockette (She's the one without the glasses, I think?)

6. Missy (It's short for mismatch, because they're mismatched socks)

7. Perma (Poor girl what has life done to you.)

8. Nail Polish (Wow, he's sassy)

9. Pequin (Why do they let children participate in these...)

10. Picnic Basket (A very trendy mom)

11. Crystal (She told everyone that caring for the plant on her head is her one true purpose.)

12. Styrofoam (The one I'm in charge of, maybe I should get to know him better.)

Dear Diary,

Dealing with Styrofoam is easy, but he's rather picky about what he likes. He seems to be drawn towards wearing a simple red bow, and I think it fits him very well too! I've talked to him for a bit. He did ask me if it's difficult dressing up an armless contestant, and it's so embarrassing of me not to notice that fact! He rambled on about how he's the first ever armless reality show contestant to be on the show, and how much is at stake for him. He wants to make sure that he makes a good impression so that people will know how powerful an armless object could be.It's so fun to listen to him ramble on about his past, and his interests, like engineering. He appears prideful to people who aren't close to him, but there's a sense of humility in who he is. People used to mock him for his features, calling him a plain, white block...

Dear Diary,

I've been assigned to make posters for the show! Though I'm not sure why we needed posters. I thought that we're doing quite well. Why do we have to make up reviews on it anyway? They all say that it's for better optics, but is there something wrong with the show? They could have also hired a graphic designer but it's probably out of convenience. Oh well. Foamy told me that it's because Elixir's shows are getting stale. That it's all too samey. It's always challenge, prize, elimination. He wishes that for someone as flashy as Elixir, you would think that Xey would be more creative with their challenges, and maybe even try to get the viewers to participate instead of the contestants voting each other out.

Oh Foamy, I'd hate to say this to your face but you would be the first one out because you're so stubborn! I told him that, and he laughed. We both laughed at such a silly joke, until Badge stepped in and laughed even harder. It got awkward, and everyone stopped laughing.

It's unfortunate that Sweater didn't get to stay on the show for long. I thought that they were quite sweet, but all the lint made them a bad hider. Foamy seemed somewhat upset by this elimination, since it feels targeted against unconventional-looking objects. Sweater nervously exited the funhouse, bidding goodbye and leaving a trail of lint behind.

Dear Diary,

Foamy had asked me a normal, but also a very difficult question. “Mirror, if you were in the competition, what would your ideal prize be?”. I thought, maybe I could get millions and live the rest of my life being self-sufficient, but it will cut ties with my own family. Or maybe I desire social recognition, but I don’t think I can handle the amount of fame that celebrities do. I just told him, “I don’t know”.

Foamy was surprisingly understanding, and consoled me, “It’s fine, not everyone knows what they want right off the bat. Every object desires to have a purpose, even if it means fighting for a dream that may not become reality.”

What he said was the only thing I could think of on the way home, wondering what kind of reward would help me change my life for the better. After some thought, I just want to feel less alone, and to finally have a direction to go.

Dear Diary,

Today, a very rich woman came and sponsored Elixir's Funhouse! Everyone seemed surprised, including myself. It was Madame Thumb! What business does she have with a show like ours, I thought? She's got far better causes she could give to. I never knew she would be into that.

I've seen her around before- she's a fashionista, head of a very well-known brand. She's quite good at what she does, but I could never quite afford any of her products. Maybe thats for the best, haha.

I, because of course I did, spent quite a bit of time discussing it with Foamy afterwards. He says it's great that she's giving us that kind of budget, and that maybe with it, Elixir can make better challenges. Just the other day Crystal Soil was eliminated due to her disinterest in doing something as boring as another 5000 puzzle piece challenge. Yet, he had also mentioned it makes him feel like he's part of a freak show. I can agree with that point, but I don't quite believe that's how it should be. He seems obsessed with the thought of standing out, but not too much to be ostracized. I suppose being percieved still has its many perks, despite his own complaints.

Dear Diary,

I got a promotion! One of the other mirrors had passed their duties down to me. They said that taking care of someone like Foamy was hardly enough for me to earn my keep, and they called me “Picture Frame”. I thought that was really degrading, but I'm trying to stay positive about it. It's a shame that I don't see them often despite being fellow mirrors who do the same job but from their remark about my looks, maybe it's for the best.

Conveniently enough, the object I was put in charge of was Badge! I'm glad I have an excuse to talk to him, since he is Foamy's ally and all. I mentioned to him how odd it is that practically all of the artists here are mirrors like me. He told me it's probably because certain types of objects are always expected to fill certain roles, and complained about the pressure he had felt from that when he still did police work. I thought it was just in our nature to do what we were made for? I guess not everyone feels that way.

Badge is certainly more demanding than Foamy is. Polishing him isn't too different from cleaning my own glass, though. It's kind of fun!